Our Eventful 2009

I gave the following talk at the Columbus Ohio Stake Conference general meeting on November 15, 2009:

Stake Conference – General SessionNovember 15, 2009

I. Introduction:

Late in the afternoon, on Friday, February 20, 2009, I was in my office trying to wrap up the week’s work and leave early enough to make it to a Hilliard Davidson/Hilliard Darby JV Basketball game…the final game of our sophomore son Andrew’s basketball season.

I received a call from Sister Cook, in which she was speaking seriously and earnestly, but not frantically. She had noticed some smoke coming from the dryer and asked what she should do. I suggested she pull the dryer away from the wall to determine if the smoke was from the dryer itself or from the vent hose. I mentioned that there was a fire extinguisher under the kitchen sink, if she needed it. I mentioned I would wrap up what I was doing and come home rather than go straight to the basketball game.

I quickly logged off of my computer, gave a couple of files to my secretary and headed out of the office. On my way to the parking lot, I was prompted to call my Brother in law, who happened to visiting our in-laws, and asked him to check and see if Mindy needed any help before I arrived home. We are blessed to have Mindy’s parents living nearby in our neighborhood.

For the rest of the story as to what happened after Mindy and I completed our call, I will leave for Mindy to tell, perhaps on another day. Since it was Friday afternoon at 5:00 p.m. and I was headed out of downtown, traffic was not moving very quickly. I was driving north on Riverside Drive and had just about reached the 5th Avenue intersection when I received a text message from Mindy. The text simply stated, “the garage is gone.” So, in the course of about 20 minutes, my mind had to make the adjustment from “there is a little bit of smoke coming from the dryer” to “the garage is gone.”

Well, as the night progressed, the fire did in fact take out the garage, the laundry room, a main floor bathroom, a second floor bathroom and a second floor bedroom. The rest of the house received substantial smoke and water damage, but did not burn. In the days following the fire, we were told by the contractor it would take 3 to 4 months to repair our home. The insurance adjuster chuckled and said no, most likely it would be closer to 6 months.

Following two nights at our Mindy’s parents’ home, we moved into a motel for a two-week stay while looking for a house to rent.

Just a short month after the fire, we had scheduled a Spring break trip with another family. After the fire, that family had asked if we still intend to take the trip, in light of the fire. We decided that it would be important to go on this trip as our oldest son was graduating from high school and this would be one of our last trips as a family before he went off to school, on to his mission and at some point marriage. To prepare for the trip, Mindy took our 6 year old GMC Yukon XL in for repairs. We paid a substantial amount to have the vehicle prepared for our trip.

We left Hilliard, early Saturday morning before the week of Spring break and less than two hundred miles into the trip; the Yukon began to lose power on the hills in northern Kentucky. We could see the other family’s van pulling farther ahead with little power to catch up. Finally, we stopped to check the oil and other fluid levels to see if that was the problem. It was not. So, arrangements were made for Mindy and Spencer to ride with the other family, the 45 minutes or so to Louisville to try and make arrangements for a rental car. Ian and I waited for the tow truck, while Scott, Andrew and Claire prepared to kill time until we could get back to pick them up. The Yukon was towed to a dealer in Louisville and since the service department closed at noon, the Yukon could not be looked at. In the meantime, Mindy had arranged for a rental car. The crossover had the necessary number of seatbelts (7), but little room for our luggage and food for the week. We eventually squeezed into the vehicle with as much luggage as possible and moved on. If you would like to hear about Scott, Andrew and Claire’s four hour adventure in a small town Kentucky Wal-Mart, you can ask them directly.

We went on to have wonderful trip to Florida despite rainy weather, but incurred the cost of the rental car for the week, as well as repair bills on the Yukon of nearly double the amount we had paid to have it repaired prior to the trip. So, within the course of two months, we experienced the fire and major car difficulties on our family trip.

Scott and Andrew had an old Toyota with more than 220,000 miles to drive. The first weekend of nice weather in Spring, one of the Toyota’s windows was smashed and Scott’s wallet taken. Later in the Summer, during a heavy rain storm Scott was driving the same car on I-70 during rush hour. The roads were slick; he spun completely around on the freeway, hitting the concrete barriers on an overpass. The car stopped facing the oncoming traffic, but he avoided all of the oncoming cars. The car was totaled and because of the age and condition of the car, we only had liability insurance. So, once it was determined the car was totaled, we had to replace that car.

What original looked to be a six month period out of our house was now looking to be 7 months or more.

On Friday, September 18, 2009, I received a message from my brother that our father was not doing well. I had spoken with my mother earlier in the month and knew that he had suffered a fall with damage to his back that caused him great discomfort. I contemplated going to Washington State to visit my father over the weekend but my brother assured me he would let me know if things became too serious. Over the weekend, I had a sense for how serious his condition was based on Facebook comments from a niece.

On Tuesday night, September 22, when I returned home in evening Mindy told me one of my sisters had called. I called and learned that she and my other sister were making the 3 hour drive to visit my dad since my mother was especially concerned. Later that night she called to let me know that his condition was very serious and that she would call me with more information on Wednesday morning after they had spoken with the doctors.

Wednesday morning I spoke with my brother and sisters a number of times and it was clear that my father’s condition had worsened tremendously overnight. I made flight arrangements for the earliest flight possible. The flight would get me to Portland at 10:30 p.m. Eventually, I spoke with my father’s physician. She (and my family) felt that even with the most invasive and intensive care, my father would not live until I arrived later that night. The family left the decision to me, whether to take my father off of the ventilator and make him as comfortable as possible or to try and prolong his life until I arrived. I felt peace and calmness as I discussed the decision with the doctor and asked her to make him as comfortable as possible. He passed away a short time later with my brother, sisters and mother in the room.
I continued with my flight plans that evening and then my family was able to fly out on Friday, with Scott flying from Utah to join us for the Friday viewing and Saturday funeral.
Finally, on October 27th 8 months (or to be more specific according to Andrew) 249 days following the fire, we were able to move back into our home.

During the 8 months out of our home the economy has suffered a serious recession, which has impacted everyone. Our oldest son graduated from high school and left home for college. We have dealt with mean people and petty problems. Some problems have been as simple as a cell phone dropped in the toilet or an mp3 player ran through the wash.

So, when it came time to write a talk for Stake Conference, I thought I would write on “adversity” and trials in our lives. But as I started to research the topic, it became clear to me that while our family has faced difficulties over the past 8 months, our burdens pale in comparison to the difficulties and adversity that others have and may continue to face. I know there are those in this congregation that have suffered loss of employment, loss of loved ones, loss of health and other significant heartaches and burdens.

II. Elder Clayton/Our Family’s Blessings

In this most recent General Conference, Elder L. Whitney Clayton of the Presidency of the Seventy spoke on burdens. He stated:

In a general sense, our burdens come from three sources. Some burdens are the natural product of the conditions of the world in which we live.

Other burdens are imposed on us by the misconduct of others.

Our own mistakes and shortcomings produce many of our problems and can place heavy burdens on our own shoulders. The most onerous burden we impose upon ourselves is the burden of sin. We have all known the remorse and pain which inevitably follow our failure to keep the commandments.

No matter the burdens we face in life as a consequence of natural conditions, the misconduct of others, or our own mistakes and shortcomings, we are all children of a loving Heavenly Father, who sent us to earth as part of His eternal plan for our growth and progress. Our unique individual experiences can help us prepare to return to Him. The adversity and afflictions that are ours, however difficult to bear, last, from heaven’s perspective, for “but a small moment; and then, if [we] endure it well, God shall exalt [us] on high.” We must do everything we can to bear our burdens “well” for however long our “small moment” carrying them lasts.

Burdens provide opportunities to practice virtues that contribute to eventual perfection. They invite us to yield “to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and [put] off the natural man and [become] a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and [become] as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon [us], even as a child doth submit to his father.” Thus burdens become blessings, though often such blessings are well disguised and may require time, effort, and faith to accept and understand.

Our family received tremendous blessings during 2009 and I am sure there are additional blessings that are “well disguised” and will require time, effort and faith for us to understand. But some of the obvious blessings include the following:

· Mindy was blessed with the inspiration to close the door between the house and the garage. We were told by a number of firefighters that this simple action during initial stages of the fire saved the rest of the house.
· There were no injuries to our family, pets, friends or safety personnel during the fire and the aftermath.
· While we stood in the cold February night watching the fire fighters work on the fire, one firefighter brought us Andrew’s scriptures from his night stand…because he thought they would be important to us. In fact, we were blessed not to lose any important family documents or photos.
· A neighbor opened their home that evening for Mindy and the kids, provided us with coats and hot chocolate. Later that night, the husband offered that I could come over for a tequila and I realized I had some missionary work to do.
· There were good friends that stopped by that evening just to make sure we were okay.
· Mindy had the opportunity to have an extensive gospel discussion with the individual that came to our home to collect our clothes for cleaning.
· The General Contractor who repaired our home commented on our food storage and asked if I could provide him with information on what he should store and how it should be stored.
· Priesthood brethren and extended family members assisted in moving our food storage out of the house and later back into it.
· School and community members have blessed our lives with service. This service has increased our family’s understanding of the goodness of people.
· A next door neighbor of our rental house was receptive to discussions about the gospel and attended Sacrament meeting.
· Bailee at the hotel – lost and also the kindness of the maid (food, food dish, etc.)
· Good friends helped with our pets when we needed to travel.
· We were blessed to find a rental home in our neighborhood.
· Family members and Sisters in the Ward assisted in cleaning our rental home when we moved out.
· Despite the costs and inconveniences experienced during Spring break we had a wonderful time as a family and with the other family, created memories that we will treasure always.
· When our Toyota was broken into, we found the wallet nearby. The small amount of cash in the wallet was gone, but Scott’s driver’s license and other important cards were found.
· When Scott totaled his car, he was uninjured.
· When my father passed away, I received numerous expressions of sympathy from friends that facilitated gospel discussions regarding the plan of salvation.
· There were a number of tender mercies we experienced in connection with my father’s passing and the services. While I was unable to arrive prior to his passing, my brother, a nephew and I were able to dress him at the funeral home. The time I spent dressing him was as choice as or more choice than the time I would have spent with him unconscious in his hospital room. I was blessed to feel his love and spirit at that time.
· Tish – lost and found.
· Increased closeness of our family, based on common experiences and trials.

Elder Clayton continues:

[B]earing up under our own burdens can help us develop a reservoir of empathy for the problems others face. The Apostle Paul taught that we should “bear . . . one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” Accordingly, our baptismal covenants require that we should be “willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; yea, and [be] willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort.”
Keeping our baptismal covenants helps relieve our own burdens as well as those of burdened souls we serve. Those who offer such assistance to others stand on holy ground. In explaining this, the Savior taught:

“When saw we thee an hungered, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink?
“When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?
“Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?
“And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”

Through it all, the Savior offers us sustaining strength and support, and in His own time and way, He offers deliverance.

Mercifully, the Son of God offers us deliverance from the bondage of our sins, which are among the heaviest of all the burdens we bear. During His Atonement He suffered “according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance.” Christ “suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent.” When we repent and keep the commandments, forgiveness and relief from our burdened conscience come with the help that only the Savior offers, for “surely, whosoever repenteth shall find mercy.”

III. Conclusion.

One of my favorite scriptures is 1 Ne 11: 16, 17:

And he said unto me: Knowest thou the condescension of God? And I said unto him: I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things.

I certainly do not know the meaning of all things, especially the meaning of our trials and burdens, but I know God loveth his children and that He loves me and my family.

We are definitely hoping for a quieter 2010!